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Category Archives: Parenting

Become Ideal Parent

As parents we would never wish ill on our children. In fact, the mere idea of their suffering can make us break out in a cold sweat. We work hard day in and day out to provide a safe, stable environment, and we attempt to give them as many opportunities as we can possibly find. We want our children to live in a beautiful, cheerful world of smiles and splendor. Our love is unconditional and deep. We can watch them sleep and feel our hearts melt. God has given us a great blessing with our children, and we do our best to cherish that blessing with every fiber of our beings.

Every one of us encountered trials and tribulations; unforeseen problems or consequences that may give us pause. Not one of us is exempt from this hard reality. We would not wish for a new cross or hardship to carry, but we would rather it be our suffering than our child’s burden. There are two important points to consider when obstacles arise: 1) adversity can lead to strength and 2) how our own endurance of hardship becomes a model for our children.

Time after time, we can see people fighting through their circumstances to bring something beautiful to life. Watching our children suffer disappointments, not getting invited to a classmate’s birthday party or not making an important team, is painful. However, disappointment is a necessary part of growing up.

Modeling appropriate behavior when things don’t go our way teaches our kids to handle disappointments. For example, you have taken your child on a wonderful vacation. At the end, you ask how he enjoyed the respite, only to hear “It was OK, but a lot of it was boring.” You may be crushed, but you can’t force your own expectations about spending quality time together on your child. The key is to not overreact with a hurtful response, but instead to ask a specific question such as “What was your favorite part of the vacation?” This type of redirection will encourage your
child to see the good parts of the experience. It’s important to step back and let the child use these new skills allowing him to be responsible for his/her own feelings.

Help your child find his/her strengths. One of the most common disappointments children faced is feeling they are not as good as their peers.Failure can turn into a blessing. It can be a motivator to study harder, to practice harder, or to attempt a different approach.

Success is not always about winning, it is more often about finding another path. Help your child find something he or she can be good at that matches his/her interests. If that is not an option, find another way to approach the goal that takes advantage of his/her abilities.

Education Begins in Home

Teachers recognize this more than any other professional group because it is in their classroom that they experience the consequences, good or bad, of what children learn at home. Hence, teachers at every new school year establish classroom rules in an attempt to ensure a universal law of acceptable social conduct.

As a tenet, parents are responsible for whether or not children succeeds academic. Without ignoring a child’s predetermine abilities, they must project clear positive expectations concerning school. As these expectations take form, parents should remember that children mimic what they see and hear. Hence, they should avoid making negative comments concerning their children’s teacher and or school. Parents cannot demand that their children perform well academically when homework assignments are not completed, and social events are prioritized over establishing appropriate bedtime routine for school age children.

There is no denying that a child will act out, usually this begins at pre-K through kindergarten levels. When left unchecked by parents, acting out, becomes a norm for a child. When established as a habit, the disruptive behavior hinders the child’s academic success. Parents should not expect teachers to teach their children proper conduct and yet the burden of learning these skills sits heavily on the shoulders of many teachers.

When a child acts out and the parent ignores the behavior, the child learns to devalue the importance of the teacher, the school and ultimately learning. Parent who do not understand the value and importance of early prevention will have an uphill battle as the child attends secondary schools. Laying a strong education foundation consist of the child, parent, and teacher working together in a respectfully academic world of cooperation. Teachers cannot do it all.

Teach Kids about Home Security

Educate about when to answer the door:

If your descendants are alone and the need to answer the door, they should know that they have to look through the peephole first to see if it is a known face or not. And, if it is an unknown face, then they should answer through the intercom or open the door with the door chain latched. Also, while communicating with the stranger, children should inform that their parents are in the neighborhood or have gone to some nearby market and will be back in a few minutes, thus, requesting the person to come again later.

Train them how to answer the calls:

When you are away and your little darlings receive a call, they should be edified not to give their details on the phone rather, ask for the name of the person on the other side and take down the message. Also, they shouldn’t let the fact get conveyed to the other person that they are alone at home. Instead, they can portray that their elders are occupied with some important work and will get back to them soon.

Display Good Behavior:

Do things that you want your kids to grasp. They learn what they see. So, try to display things through your behavior first like closing doors & windows before leaving the house. Parents may even involve their offspring in these tasks as well.

Make your Kids learn the Emergency Numbers:

Tell your children about 911 and other emergency contact numbers, including your number and numbers of some trusted people. Guardians can even pen down these numbers and keep them besides land line phone. Also, making them learn the home address by heart can be pretty useful specifically in case they call 911 and they have to convey operator about it.

Install and Instruct about the Security Systems:

Positioning security systems like security alarms, security cameras, etc. will give you peace of mind when you are out. As children are mischievous, thus, they might end up doing some pranks or something naughty which you might not be happy about. And, to hide their activities they might deactivate the cameras for a while. So, instruct your kids strictly not to tamper with the security cameras. Also, share with them how to arm and disarm the alarm systems.

Unknown Parcels should not be accepted:

Kids should be guided not to accept any courier parcel which they don’t know about or for which their parents didn’t mention anything beforehand.

Stress Management

Parenting is a hard job and sometimes we become overwhelmed by the challenges we face. If a happy home for your family is important to you, you will find a way to face those challenges.Try some of the suggestions below:

Don’t put your kids to bed late and hope they will sleep later the next morning.That does not always work and you usually end up with a child that wakes up at the normal time, who is cranky for the entire day.

Instill thankfulness and gratitude in your children. Be sure they thank people who help them. Involve your children in writing thank you notes for gifts and kind deeds that are done for them. (Young children can tell you what they want you to write and older children can write notes on their own).

When your children are doing homework, provide a comfortable, well-lit space near enough for them to ask for help if they need it. Check in with them and see that the work is actually getting done, and offer positive reinforcement.

Establish regular routines, which children both need and thrive on. Uncertainty can make anyone nervous, but children are especially vulnerable to the stress and anxiety that can come with not knowing what is happening. Regular routines will help keep your kids happy and confident.

Use books or other resources to help answer your child’s difficult questions.Find a fact-based resource that helps you explain the answer(s)effectively and age-specific. (You can find a book on almost any topic these days).

Read often to your children, as long as they will allow you to. From picture books when they are small, to chapter books when they are older, reading creates a bonding experience you are both sure to enjoy. Ask your older children to take turns reading.

Make sure that your children understand what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior. Sometimes children can mis-read your messages. Explain in clear terms what it is that you expect of him or her, then ask them to explain it back to you, if necessary.

Simple Coach Your Child

Empathize with him.

Feel his feelings and go to them with understanding and kind words, like:

“I can see this really bothers you”
“How do you feel about it?”
“It really hurts, doesn’t it?”

Knowing you understand and appreciate what he’s going through, helps him feel better.

Ask, “How would you like to solve it?”

After you’ve taken care of his feelings and when you’re sure he’s ready to think about solutions, show your belief in him. Instead of you giving a bunch of suggestions, ask for his. This helps him become his own problem solver.

Do your best to control any tendency to jump in. Believing in your child’s ability strengthens him and your relationship.

Listen.

Use your third ear. That’s the ear that hears what’s underneath the thoughts and feelings. Listen for what he isn’t saying. Appreciate his good ideas too.

Let’s say he answers, “I could tell my teacher the truth.”

“Good, anything else?” you ask.

If he says, “No,” then go on to Step 5.

Make a suggestion.

Because you’ve listened, cared about his feelings, and heard his solution, he’s more likely to accept your ideas.

You might mention, “You could ask your teacher to let you retake the test.”

Let’s say he agrees but wants you to go with him. Your answer will depend on his age. If you think he’s mature enough to handle it by himself say, “Let’s see how you do, first.” Why? If it works out well, he’ll feel more confident.

Encourage your child to act.

With your child, role-play ways he can talk with his teacher. When he feels comfortable and is ready, encourage him to do it.

Assure him that you’ll check back to see how it went. You might also say, “I believe in you.”

Must know about Kids And Respect

Being quiet in a library so that others can read.

Following your parents rules to show them that you care about them and how they feel about the situation.

Not hitting or calling people names because that could hurt them or hurt their feelings.

Dress, talk and act in a way that shows that you care about yourself and others.

Realize that everyone else looks, speaks, thinks and acts different and it is alright to show that you care about them and their feelings.

Standing up for the Pledge of Allegiance or bowing your head in prayer.

These are all simple ways for you to explain this to a child in a way that they can understand. Let’s all work on teaching our children what it means to treat others the way that you want to be treated. In our society today children are not motivated to do anything other than sit in front of a television, play video games, tweet or text on their phones. I remember as a child that we were outside ninety percent of the time playing and getting exercise. I think that we need to go back to those days when we didn’t have all of the technology that we have today. I know that children are learning a lot of their behavior from these other sources as well as not being taught. I think that if they are out in the community where they have to socialize with others and interact with everyone else in their community then they will be able to see that we are all different and that we can all help one another when it is needed. This will help them to learn how to treat others and to show some compassion as well as learn how they want others to treat them.

Info of Parental Homework Anxiety

Delegate. If you know that the daily routine of homework will inevitably end up with someone in tears, pass this job onto someone else. There is an Ancient Greek aphorism “know thyself”, which rings true in almost every facet of life, including parental homework anxiety. There is no shame in knowing your strengths as a parent, and the things that are just not your “cup of tea”. And, if homework brings about stress and chaos, delegate it out! Perhaps your partner can take on this task, or maybe an older sibling, a babysitter, or another family member can become the designated “Homework Helper”.

Multitask. I am well aware that it isn’t always feasible to delegate out the job of “Homework Helper”. In situations where the bulk of the job falls on your shoulders, and yours alone, find something else to do during homework time. At my oldest child’s first Back to School Night in kindergarten, I remember the teacher saying that homework is for the child to do, NOT THE PARENT. This seems pretty obvious. But, how often do we, as parents, get frustrated that our child doesn’t know all of the answers? Remember, homework is not supposed to be done perfectly. It helps the teacher to see how much the child has retained and where reinforcement might be needed. In fact, many elementary schools do not allow children to use erasers on their homework because teachers want to see what the children know, not what they have erased and then corrected. While this makes sense, how can we work this into an actual practice? So often, children sit down to do their homework and say “I need help”, before they even try to do the work on their own. We certainly can’t ignore their requests for help, can we? Well, why not make your child’s homework time the same time that you get something else done nearby? Perhaps your child aways does homework at the kitchen table, you can use that time to check email, write out bills, cook dinner- this way, you are in the same room as your child and you are available to help to clarify directions, but, it is clear that the homework is your child’s job, and you have a job to do, also.

You are not alone. Just browse Facebook for an hour, and you will see that this is a struggle for many parents. As with any anxiety provoking situation, in the midst of it, breathe. I am a big proponent of deep breathing. I find that inhaling over a count of four, holding it for a count of four and exhaling over a count of four, helps a great deal when you are starting to feel at your wit’s end. This may need to be repeated several times, depending on the level of frustration or anxiety that you feel. I also think it’s great when parents can support one another, so, reach out to friends and family. Who knows? Maybe a friend has a helpful technique that works for her. And, if nothing else, venting to someone close to you can help. When you choose to show your vulnerability and own your struggle, it opens the door to real connection. And, who cannot benefit from that?

Handling Bullied Child

Breathe. First and foremost, you need to relax. Children pick up on our energy. If you are angry and overwhelmed by the situation, your child will feel it. When children feel our energy, they do not know what to do with it. They do not yet have the tools to process their own feelings and emotions, let alone an adult’s. This would be a great time to practice my favorite “counts of four breaths”. This is when you inhale over a count of four, hold it for a count of four, and release over a count of four.

Refocus. As much as you want to seek revenge, this will solve nothing. Instead, use that energy to focus on what really matters- your child. This is the perfect opportunity to show your child that you will always have his or her back. Validate their feelings by saying something like “I know that it made you sad when Sally wouldn’t let you play with her at recess. It is confusing when our friends say things that are hurtful.” All kids handle bully situations differently. Some kids will come home and tell you every detail about the situation, while others might have some embarrassment or shame around it, and may say very little, if anything at all. In either case, let them know that you support them and that it is not okay for friends to be mean to each other. If your child did not come home and tell you about the situation, and, perhaps you heard about it from a source other than your child, bring it up to your child. Ask about feeling and model the importance of expressing emotion.

Reach out. Let the school know about it. You do not need to tell your child that you will be contacting the school. This may cause more anxiety, because no child wants to be seen as a tattle-tale. Schools do not take bullying lightly, and part of your job as a parent is to advocate for your child. It is simply unacceptable for any child to feel unsafe, either physically or emotionally, while at school. Start by reaching out to the teacher, and if it continues, go straight to the next in the chain of command.

Be mindful. This is a big one! How many times do we snap at our children when they ask us a question at an inopportune time? How often do we rush them when we are trying to multitask and they want to tell a longwinded story about what their best friend had for lunch yesterday? Slow down. Being mindful at these times helps to lay the foundation of your relationship with your child. If you are snapping at your child because you are too busy to listen, do you think they will feel comfortable coming to you when they are being picked on? When your child comes to you and seems to be rambling on and on incessantly about what you might think is nonsense, slow down and listen. What you might consider to be nonsense is probably very important to your child. And, if you take the time to listen, it will not go unnoticed. The goal here is to have your child feel comfortable enough to come to you when they really need you.

Determining Parenting Plan

  • Sit down privately with the other parent to discuss matters between yourselves:
  • If you are concerned about behavior and still want to discuss things directly with the other parent, choose a public place to meet or include a mutually agreed upon person to join you. This can be someone you both trust in a professional capacity, your clergy, a counselor, a mutual friend (who is able to remain neutral);
  • Meet with a trained counselor whose expertise is helping separated parents communicate between themselves;
  • Meet with a mediator whose expertise includes working with separated parents. A mediator is a professional whose expertise is helping people in conflict reach agreements between themselves by working with them together, even though the notion can be anxiety producing. You only need to be willing to try. You don’t have to believe that yourself or the other parent will actually come to an agreement. In fact, more often than not, people who attend mediation are of the opinion that it is “the other person” who will not be ale to reach an agreement, yet most matters do settle or at least are narrowed down by the process;
  • Retain “collaborative” lawyers and sign a participation agreement. Collaborative lawyers are trained in helping people find solutions to their differences without the threat of going to court. Like mediators, they work outside of the court system and can help you craft specific agreements taking into account the particulars of your situation. Also like mediation, collaborative lawyers and parents meet and work together to arrive at mutually acceptable solutions;
  • Lawyer assisted negotiation is more for those persons who will not meet together. Each parent tells their own lawyer their view of the situations and what they hope to achieve. The lawyers then negotiate between themselves on your behalf. With this approach, you may never know how well your lawyer represented your situation and you may not be privy to their actual communication with the other lawyer. In the hands of a killed negotiator who themselves will remain civil, respectful and not inordinately demanding but conciliatory, this can lead to a resolution. However, this approach is at risk of actually inflaming conflict and the parents will likely never achieve the degree of specificity they may desire because the lawyers will never be as intimately connected to your situation. If you use this approach, ask to read every letter your lawyer sends on your behalf before it is sent. Angry demand letters produce angry demanding responses. Know what is being sent as those letters will represent you to the other parent. Unfortunately, in many cases, lawyer assisted negotiation increases conflict and is a prelude to litigation

All about Parenting Problems

Negotiation means the child wins – Say what you mean and mean what you say. When you find your child trying to change the rules or justify why s/he shouldn’t have to do something you are sunk. The best response to their protests is to calmly and firmly repeat your position without offering an opening for discussion.

Do not reward bad behaviour – When a child does not do what is expected, then they miss out on the fun. For example, not cleaning their room means that they do not go out with friends. They do their work FIRST and then are rewarded. This takes strong resolve on the part of the parent but pays off in the long-run.

Boundaries are a good thing – The child is not your therapist and definitely should not know about all of your personal problems. They need to know that you are not an ATM that will dispense cash into their adulthood. Why should you be faithful in going to your job while they lounge in the basement without contributing because they decided to quit school and not work? Set boundaries, communicate and enforce them.

Consistency makes it easier for next time – Sometimes we are tired and let the child get away with not doing what is required or expected. That just causes problems for the future. Self-discipline is a learned behaviour. Just think about how you feel if you don’t pay your bills this month and then have to face double next month. As a parent, you need to be consistent in your own responsibilities and in ensuring that your child does his/hers.

You can be the bad guy – Sometimes children need to have an excuse for not doing something. I know several who are relieved to know that they can say “My parents would kill me if I did that!” It lets them off the hook.

Your job is to work yourself out of a job – I know that you love to cook, clean and do laundry for your family but if you don’t show them how to do these things, they will be at a disadvantage in the future. Teach them how to manage their money and look after themselves without you so that they can succeed in life.

You do not have to make up for your parents’ failings – I often hear parents say that they want their children to have everything they had as children that was good and everything they didn’t have. Wow! Good luck with that one!

Be a problem-solver or get one – Teach your children how to think and make good choices knowing that there will be rewards or consequences. Often children listen better to someone other than the parent so if they are not doing well, perhaps it would be best to enlist someone else to help them get on track.