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Monthly Archives: March 2017

Simple Coach Your Child

Empathize with him.

Feel his feelings and go to them with understanding and kind words, like:

“I can see this really bothers you”
“How do you feel about it?”
“It really hurts, doesn’t it?”

Knowing you understand and appreciate what he’s going through, helps him feel better.

Ask, “How would you like to solve it?”

After you’ve taken care of his feelings and when you’re sure he’s ready to think about solutions, show your belief in him. Instead of you giving a bunch of suggestions, ask for his. This helps him become his own problem solver.

Do your best to control any tendency to jump in. Believing in your child’s ability strengthens him and your relationship.

Listen.

Use your third ear. That’s the ear that hears what’s underneath the thoughts and feelings. Listen for what he isn’t saying. Appreciate his good ideas too.

Let’s say he answers, “I could tell my teacher the truth.”

“Good, anything else?” you ask.

If he says, “No,” then go on to Step 5.

Make a suggestion.

Because you’ve listened, cared about his feelings, and heard his solution, he’s more likely to accept your ideas.

You might mention, “You could ask your teacher to let you retake the test.”

Let’s say he agrees but wants you to go with him. Your answer will depend on his age. If you think he’s mature enough to handle it by himself say, “Let’s see how you do, first.” Why? If it works out well, he’ll feel more confident.

Encourage your child to act.

With your child, role-play ways he can talk with his teacher. When he feels comfortable and is ready, encourage him to do it.

Assure him that you’ll check back to see how it went. You might also say, “I believe in you.”

Must know about Kids And Respect

Being quiet in a library so that others can read.

Following your parents rules to show them that you care about them and how they feel about the situation.

Not hitting or calling people names because that could hurt them or hurt their feelings.

Dress, talk and act in a way that shows that you care about yourself and others.

Realize that everyone else looks, speaks, thinks and acts different and it is alright to show that you care about them and their feelings.

Standing up for the Pledge of Allegiance or bowing your head in prayer.

These are all simple ways for you to explain this to a child in a way that they can understand. Let’s all work on teaching our children what it means to treat others the way that you want to be treated. In our society today children are not motivated to do anything other than sit in front of a television, play video games, tweet or text on their phones. I remember as a child that we were outside ninety percent of the time playing and getting exercise. I think that we need to go back to those days when we didn’t have all of the technology that we have today. I know that children are learning a lot of their behavior from these other sources as well as not being taught. I think that if they are out in the community where they have to socialize with others and interact with everyone else in their community then they will be able to see that we are all different and that we can all help one another when it is needed. This will help them to learn how to treat others and to show some compassion as well as learn how they want others to treat them.

Info of Parental Homework Anxiety

Delegate. If you know that the daily routine of homework will inevitably end up with someone in tears, pass this job onto someone else. There is an Ancient Greek aphorism “know thyself”, which rings true in almost every facet of life, including parental homework anxiety. There is no shame in knowing your strengths as a parent, and the things that are just not your “cup of tea”. And, if homework brings about stress and chaos, delegate it out! Perhaps your partner can take on this task, or maybe an older sibling, a babysitter, or another family member can become the designated “Homework Helper”.

Multitask. I am well aware that it isn’t always feasible to delegate out the job of “Homework Helper”. In situations where the bulk of the job falls on your shoulders, and yours alone, find something else to do during homework time. At my oldest child’s first Back to School Night in kindergarten, I remember the teacher saying that homework is for the child to do, NOT THE PARENT. This seems pretty obvious. But, how often do we, as parents, get frustrated that our child doesn’t know all of the answers? Remember, homework is not supposed to be done perfectly. It helps the teacher to see how much the child has retained and where reinforcement might be needed. In fact, many elementary schools do not allow children to use erasers on their homework because teachers want to see what the children know, not what they have erased and then corrected. While this makes sense, how can we work this into an actual practice? So often, children sit down to do their homework and say “I need help”, before they even try to do the work on their own. We certainly can’t ignore their requests for help, can we? Well, why not make your child’s homework time the same time that you get something else done nearby? Perhaps your child aways does homework at the kitchen table, you can use that time to check email, write out bills, cook dinner- this way, you are in the same room as your child and you are available to help to clarify directions, but, it is clear that the homework is your child’s job, and you have a job to do, also.

You are not alone. Just browse Facebook for an hour, and you will see that this is a struggle for many parents. As with any anxiety provoking situation, in the midst of it, breathe. I am a big proponent of deep breathing. I find that inhaling over a count of four, holding it for a count of four and exhaling over a count of four, helps a great deal when you are starting to feel at your wit’s end. This may need to be repeated several times, depending on the level of frustration or anxiety that you feel. I also think it’s great when parents can support one another, so, reach out to friends and family. Who knows? Maybe a friend has a helpful technique that works for her. And, if nothing else, venting to someone close to you can help. When you choose to show your vulnerability and own your struggle, it opens the door to real connection. And, who cannot benefit from that?

Handling Bullied Child

Breathe. First and foremost, you need to relax. Children pick up on our energy. If you are angry and overwhelmed by the situation, your child will feel it. When children feel our energy, they do not know what to do with it. They do not yet have the tools to process their own feelings and emotions, let alone an adult’s. This would be a great time to practice my favorite “counts of four breaths”. This is when you inhale over a count of four, hold it for a count of four, and release over a count of four.

Refocus. As much as you want to seek revenge, this will solve nothing. Instead, use that energy to focus on what really matters- your child. This is the perfect opportunity to show your child that you will always have his or her back. Validate their feelings by saying something like “I know that it made you sad when Sally wouldn’t let you play with her at recess. It is confusing when our friends say things that are hurtful.” All kids handle bully situations differently. Some kids will come home and tell you every detail about the situation, while others might have some embarrassment or shame around it, and may say very little, if anything at all. In either case, let them know that you support them and that it is not okay for friends to be mean to each other. If your child did not come home and tell you about the situation, and, perhaps you heard about it from a source other than your child, bring it up to your child. Ask about feeling and model the importance of expressing emotion.

Reach out. Let the school know about it. You do not need to tell your child that you will be contacting the school. This may cause more anxiety, because no child wants to be seen as a tattle-tale. Schools do not take bullying lightly, and part of your job as a parent is to advocate for your child. It is simply unacceptable for any child to feel unsafe, either physically or emotionally, while at school. Start by reaching out to the teacher, and if it continues, go straight to the next in the chain of command.

Be mindful. This is a big one! How many times do we snap at our children when they ask us a question at an inopportune time? How often do we rush them when we are trying to multitask and they want to tell a longwinded story about what their best friend had for lunch yesterday? Slow down. Being mindful at these times helps to lay the foundation of your relationship with your child. If you are snapping at your child because you are too busy to listen, do you think they will feel comfortable coming to you when they are being picked on? When your child comes to you and seems to be rambling on and on incessantly about what you might think is nonsense, slow down and listen. What you might consider to be nonsense is probably very important to your child. And, if you take the time to listen, it will not go unnoticed. The goal here is to have your child feel comfortable enough to come to you when they really need you.