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Monthly Archives: December 2016

Every Child Should Hear

I AM PROUD OF YOU

As parents and caring adults, applaud the efforts of the child, not the fact that they may have achieved or not achieved. Children crave your support and blessings, and most of their behavior is towards gaining your love, approval and acceptance. I always tell my children, “Remember it is about the participating and not the winning that matters. The very fact that you are participating in the event is good enough for me”. When they tell you how they have fared, tell them how proud you are of them. Don’t compare their efforts with those of other children.

By constantly praising their efforts, children develop a healthy attitude towards their self esteem. Make them aware that will always hold the pole position as far as you are concerned, no matter what. I know it can be difficult sometimes but keep on encouraging them, and one day they will surprise you with what they have achieved and can achieve in life.

I AM SORRY

Have you ever told your child that you are sorry? Do it when you have made a mistake and see how they tell you that it is OK and that it wasn’t your fault.

To them you are perfect and when you admit that you are wrong you are showing them that you are human and you too do make mistakes. But most importantly you are teaching them that you have the courage to accept your mistake and face up to your imperfections. Accepting your own imperfections requires honesty and by apologizing to them you are helping them to learn that it is alright to be imperfect.

They learn to take ownership of their mistakes. Kids learn a lot from what we say, what we do and most importantly who we are.

I FORGIVE YOU

There is no point in teaching children to own up to their mistakes if we don’t forgive them. By saying “I forgive you” kids learn that it is alright to admit to mistakes.

No one is perfect. As parents, carers and guardians we all say things we don’t mean or do things that we shouldn’t. We waste time, break promises, forget important things and mess up. We don’t fully meet up to the expectation placed on us, including our own. Children are no different. Like us, they are humans too.

No one likes to be reminded of their mistakes and as a parent or guardian you have to find the right balance between having the children face up to the consequences of their mistakes and remember that they have feelings. It is up to you to instill in them that they are loveable despite their weaknesses and imperfections. Forgive them, don’t condemn them.

“Mock your children as they struggle and they will learn never to share their struggles with you”

I AM LISTENING TO YOU

Always listen to what your children are saying. It may be a lot of rubbish or seem unimportant to you but for them it may be the most important thing they have done for the day. How will you know your child if you never listen to what they have to say? You might even learn a thing or two from them. I do.

Your interest in what they have to say will ensure your child that you are interested in them. You will get an insight into their personality and who they are on the inside. Always reflect back to them what they have said to you as this is their confirmation that you have been listening to them. If necessary you can then guide, advice, praise and encourage them accordingly.

As they become teenagers, it becomes even more difficult to get through to them. If you have always been on a good communication level, you will be able to influence them and help them in making their own decisions about situations.

Always listen earnestly to what your children have to say, no matter what. If you don’t listen to their little stuff when they are small, they will not tell you about the big stuff when they grow up because to them all of it has been big stuff.

THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

We all learn from our mistakes. Likewise children also learn from their mistakes. Let them take responsibility for their decisions, wise or not and let them learn from them. This not only shows your trust in them to do what is right but also you are teaching them to lead their own lives.

Don’t solve their problems for them, but give them your support; let them take responsibility and guide them through. They will quickly learn what actions have positive results and which ones have a negative one.

Kids have Favorite Time

When the atmosphere of the family becomes unsound, it is better create quality time to each of our kid. Our children crave for attention. The reason that we need to give them our undivided attention is for them to feel secure. Whatever happens, we should see to it that we are always there for them.

As parents, we can ease our kids’ fears, worries and hurts. When we give them our full attention, they feel safe to open up and share with us their worst fears and pains.

As parents we should show our selfless love to our children especially when they are still very young. They demand more of our time, energy and patience. But we also need to set boundaries. We need to learn how to say no when things get out of hand. We might feel drained. Failing to resolve the unmet needs of our kids might lead to resentment.

We need to be spontaneous in building bonds with our kids. Once our kids feel that we neglect them, it is difficult to repair the emotional gap that we created. When we give our kids our undivided attention, we should focus our minds to them not elsewhere. Kids are very sensitive. They can easily sense our uneasiness.

It’s also a lot easier to spend quality time with our kids when we are all doing together something we enjoy.

As a single mom, I see to it that I can spend quality time with my kids despite my tight schedule. Raising kids alone is not an easy task.

During my vacant time, I see to it that we can really bond. Our quality time usually involves internet surfing and playing online games, biking, dancing and going to gymnasium together. Sometimes, we watch cartoon shows together. Even if I do not like to watch these types of shows, but for the sake of my kids, I learn to enjoy the show because they love it.

Not all the times we give to our kids are quality times. But no matter how little the time we spend with our kids, the bottom line is the quality and not the quantity.

Children Safe When Driving

When going from point “A” to point “B” with a child in a car the law requires that the minor 14 or under be in the back seat. Infant and toddlers, as per the law should be in a child’s car seat or a booster seat respectively. The infant’s car seat should be position where the back faces the passenger front seat, resulting in the infant facing the back seat cushion. Children six years or older use the booster seat and are secured by the car’s back seat belt. The restraint of the child in the car seat or the back seat has specifics layout to minimize injury should there be an accident.

Parents, when they follow these guidelines, drive around confident in the knowledge that their children are secured so that when an accident occurred the harm to them might be none or minimal. Parents who are not secure in this knowledge often reach out to community centers and designated stations to help them properly install the car seat. With the establishment of social media parents can also get information on the best way to buckle up their children via You Tube, Pinterest and yes even Twitter.

With so many resources available to families there are some parents who choice not to buckle up their children. Several times a year there are broadcasts on the importance of securing children when they are passengers in any vehicle. There are various videos on YouTube that show, with the use of dummies, what happens to children when the appropriate precautions are not in place. These simulated videos are very alarming. When you see the dummies fly from the back of the car to the front, or when the dummies in front of the car slams against the dashboard you cannot help but wonder why some parents do not buckle up their children.

Consequences Poor Parenting

The worse case scenario would involve an unwanted child coming into this world in the absence of love and affection. This is a child who will not only fail to thrive, but might die a premature death during Childhood.

Poor parenting might include a measure of love and affection, but will too often fail to leave the child feeling that those needs are being adequately satisfied. Parental neglect and/or authoritarian parenting practices (invariably including spanking as a punishment) are the major causes of parents failing to meet the emotional needs of their children to feel loved and accepted.

Show me a child who has been failed in having their emotional needs adequately satisfied, and I’ll show you a child who is prone to missing out on a healthy process of emotional growth and development. The negative consequences are myriad and can range from sociopathy/psychopathy to inadequate empathy, to anger issues, to low self-esteem, to clinical depression, to criminal behavior, to homelessness, or, simply, to a miserable existence.

The degree of long-term harm caused by poor parenting is dependent on the degree of unsatisfied emotional need the child has suffered.

I’ve worked with kids who felt their parent/s could not have really loved them based on the way they were treated, but experienced rich nurturing from other sources, such as relatives, or nannies. These were the kids who made the best candidates to overcome the poor parenting they had suffered.

True enough, many of us have overcome poor parenting to the extent that we can get by in the world, or even live a happy life. But, sadly, there are many others of us who are never provided the opportunity to overcome the harm suffered.